7

The LORD, the LORD,
     The compassionate, gracious one
     Slow to anger, abounding in love
Yet he does not leave the wicked unpunished!
     Who am I but the wicked?
O LORD, have mercy on me!
     According to your steadfast love,
     Blot out my transgressions
     And I'll be whiter than snow.

Why do the people make plans
     In vain? When the LORD,
     Redirects our steps, 
     What can we do to thwart Him?
Who can know the mind of the LORD?
    Who can wrestle with God,
    To accomplish his own will?
    It is the LORD's will, that shall be done.

"Vengeance is mine!"
     Says the LORD,
He will strike down every evil,
That ravishes the people,
He will have His justice in due time,
    Though it may seem slow to some,
    He desires that all may come
    Home, to repentance.

Yet, we are not patient like the LORD;
    We want justice on our timeline.
    We want the blessings of heaven 
    While still here on the earth,
Why are we surprised when we suffer?
   It's what was promised!
Why do we act as if it's a curse, only for some?
   The suffering will come, for everyone.
You cannot escape, the fallen world. 
   She creeps up behind you, 
   She threatens with death.
Where does our help come from? 
   Our help comes from the LORD, 
    The maker of heaven and earth!

He sees the cries of His children,
    His nostrils snare,
    In righteous anger, 
    He wields his weapon,
    And conquers death!
He promises the hope of new creation.
   He promises peace 
   In the storm;
   He does not promise,
   To calm the storm.

Without the LORD,
    I would drown
    Tossed to and fro,
    Cast away by the waves.
Without the LORD,
   I would face
   Second death,
   The threat of Sheol,
   With her open hand, 
   She waits for the masses
   To come into her grasp.

Help LORD, the hour is here!
   I've been put to the test,
   I've faced my worst fears.
How can I reconcile, 
   Your goodness, 
   With the worst of circumstances? 
Only faith will decide,
   How you are still good,
   Even when I cannot see,
   The plan you have set before me.

Help the little ones LORD,
   Show them you are good!
   Give them the miracle we cry out for,
   Let them see joy in the land again.
Come soon, LORD,
   The children are waiting for you,
   We beg you, to make all things new!

8

The LORD has dealt mercifully with me,
   He put me to the test,
   Alone I could not stand,
   My faith crumbled
   Into less than sinking sand,
In weakness, I cursed the LORD,
   And I cursed His name,
The blasphemies I uttered
    Before a Holy God
    Were asinine, insane.
Were I to be judged by 
    Every word that had ever left my tongue,
    I would have been cast into utter darkness,
    Long ago.

The LORD saw that I failed the test
    That I failed to praise Him,
    In my brokenness.
Yet, He offered no anger or reprove,
   Instead He lifted me up,
   Like a young child, 
   My tantrum disappeared,
   Tears in their place,
   As I entered His embrace.

There, the LORD told me,
   He loved me.
The blood of the lamb,
  Atoned for me.
The Holy Spirit,
  Interceded for me,
I was made clean,
  Though I did nothing to deserve it,
   Or nothing to earn it,
He held me just as close,
   As the day I was born.
Just as he held my son,
   The day he was born.
He loved my son,.
   He loves him still.
The Lord so loved the world,
   The day His son was born.

I repented,
   To dust and ashes.
I was naked,
   Before a glorious God,
I was afraid,
   In His anger,
   What else would He take?

But He did not take
   Another from me,
   He told me again,
   He loved me.

How could I fail,
   More than once,
   In one hour?
Minute by minute,
   My faith is put to the test!
   Every time my own strength
   Approaches the Judge,
   My will lapses,
   My strength fails.
The LORD,
   Is the one who holds me!
   He is the one
   Who will not let me go.
Kicking and screaming,
   I beg Him to let me go,
   To let me roam the wilderness,
   On my own.
Yet, even in my stubbornness,
   Even in my blindness,
   He does not let me go.

The LORD, has dealt mercifully with me!
   The love of the lamb 
   Has cleansed me as with hyssop.
Minute by minute,
   He sustains my life,
He breathes His breathe,
   Into my lungs,
He tells me His purposes,
   To sing His song.

How beautiful is the song
  Of the risen One!
How beautiful 
  Are the feet of those 
  Who bring good news!

The good news is this --
    Christ alone, and Christ crucified
    Christ risen, and Christ ascended
    The Holy Spirit upon us,
    Christ returning with the sword in hand,
He has made everything beautiful,
In its time.

8

What have I to give to the LORD?
    Apart from my tears?
He has said, He bottles them up,
    That He casts out the fear.

What could the LORD of heaven and earth,
    Possibly gain from my tears?
Who is He, other than the One
    Who set me on the path,
    To face my worse fear? 

The LORD, says blessed 
   Are the ones who mourn,
Then most blessed am I!
  For I am the one who mourns the most,
  I envy everyone I have ever met,
  I crave any and every other circumstance,
None could wish to trade places with me.
   Most unbearable of fates,
   To loose a child before their time,
   Would if I could,
   I would rather have been burned at the stake,
   Would have rather given my life for the faith,
   Than to hand my precious one back to the LORD.
   So soon after He gave, He took away;
Blessed is the name of the LORD!

Most unsearchable and unfathomable are His ways,
   Would if I could,
    I would cut off my own hand,
    To gain perspective, to understand,
    The roadmap for His perfect plan.

Yet, such knowledge is too high for me,
    I cannot attain it!
The LORD numbered the days of my child,
   The LORD knows every strand of hair,
   That came forth from his precious head.
The LORD knows the names and birthdays,
   Of our future children,
   Should there be any,
   By the grace of His divine will.

If the LORD has given and taken away,
    Is it so wrong to ask that He could simply give,
    And next time forgo the taking?
Or could I bargain with the LORD?
   To next time take something else instead?
My clothes, my possessions, or even my friends?
   Let all my friends curse me,
   Let all my family scoff at me,
   Let all riches be reduced to rags,
   And give me my Carter, 
   And I will be his and he will be mine.
Such pain is too much for me,
   Apart from the LORD,
   I would perish in the fire,
The LORD does not walk with me,
   Through the fire,
   He carries me through it.
I was scorched, captured by the flames
   Yet, He found me there,
   He had mercy on me,
   He carried me just the same.
When I cannot walk,
   The Lord guides my steps
When I cannot see,
   The Lord gives me sight.

Sovereign LORD,
   Have mercy on me,
   Let me see joy again in the land,
Keep my son within your wings,
   And in due time,
   Bring me there to be with him,
   And to be with you, my first love.

9

What is left to say,
   When I have prayed,
   Every word there is to pray?
What is left,
   When I have read every song,
   And sang every hymn?
What is left,
   When I have read your Word,
   And filled my heart with the pages?
What is left,
   Other than to be still?
   Content in the presence of the LORD?

...

Stillness is a virtue,
   Society has soon forgotten,
They tell us to be busy,
   They tell us to make the most
   Of our time,
Yet they forget,
   On the seventh day,
   The LORD rested.

...

The LORD, Christ is our rest
   He is our sabbath, 
   He is the One who we come to,
   To sit before Him,
   To quiet our hearts,
   "Not my will but Thine".

...

If patience is a virtue,
   Then silence is too,
A quiet heart, quick to listen.

   When I have uttered ever word
There is to say, there is nothing left.
  I am empty in the aftermath of words.
My tongue, a deadly weapon
  Many utterances it has said,
   That seconds afterward,
   I soon cared to forget.

LORD, teach us to be 
   Slow to speak,
   Slow to become angry.
LORD, teach us to be
   Quick to listen,
   Quick to be silent.
Fill the silence, with your voice.
   Quiet our hearts,
   And fill them with your Spirit,
  Speak LORD, we're listening.

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