some days
I muster the courage
to leave the solace
of my high castle

I emerge 
from the pit
venturing out
into the wilderness

There, I cannot help
being friendly
to which they ask
How many children
I have

I pause
wounded by
their cruel, naïve
smiles

My answer,
unsettling
I am
an empty nester

How can it be?
You look so young!

I was young
Yet, I am ancient now
innocence,
compromised

I had a son,
he died

Caught off guard,
in complete surprise
they mutter 
some nonsense,

I could never 
Walk in your shoes
How strong you must be,
Without my children
I would not survive

I could never myself,
Just as well,
Here I am
All the same

to love
is a risk we all take
to have our heart broken
with nothing but grief
in its place

The truth is
I am not strong
I am weak

Do not mistake
my ventures,
my calm demeanor,
or my many words
for strength

The truth is 
I have never been weaker
I am simply 
trying to survive

The Lord has promised me
His strength is made perfect
in weakness 
What they see as strength,
They see Christ

Everyday
I am unraveled,
He binds me back up
again
Like a child's toy
dependent upon Another
to move me
show me what to say
where I should go
tell me all the things
I simply cannot know

without the Maker
who formed the stars,
who set the planets,
in place
I am simply
floating through space

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