In my dreams
   You were here 
with me 
   today and tomorrow
I dreamed 
   I would teach you 
      to talk, to walk
      teach you to sing
to love the Lord
      teach you to dream

I wanted to dance
   with you
at your wedding
   mother and son 
so much hope, 
so much undone

most mothers 
   are blessed
to have eighteen years
before the empty nest 

my heart was not prepared
to only have you for a time
I wanted your decades,
   your years,
my heart was not prepared
   for goodbye

so many onesies, 
   you’ll never wear
so many books, 
   we’ll never read

the other women, they boast
when their sweet babe comes,
clothed in good health,
   to dwell with her, 
   for all her years,
“the Lord is always faithful 
   to answer my prayers”

Are my prayers not 
   acceptable to the Lord?
Are my sins not 
   forgiven by His grace?
No, it is not so --
   The Lord has greater love 
      for me, 
      for my baby,
      than I could ever know

God always answers,
   but sometimes
   the answer is 
        No

---

to the woman
   whom He  
   has allowed
to have 
   everything 
she desires,

when the sun
  fails to shine,
Know,
the Lord does not promise
  an easy life,
the prosperity gospel 
  is a lie

so when the storm comes,
when mountain fails to move,
               remember the Lord, 
the valley be not his reprove

the tribulation 
   is a promise 
to strengthen character 
   to preserve 
everything beautiful
   in its time

count it as joy 
   when you suffer 
To live is Christ
   death is gain
still, do not forget
when He says, 
   “To live”

The death of a child
seems so great a pain
none should survive
   perhaps
   alone
it would be,
my demise

Be it so,
I am not alone
I have the Lord
   so can you
His ways are higher 
   than ours
His word is true

Come to the secret place
   where the tears 
   and anger flow
where the Lord hears you,
  “Be still and know”

Have hope,
   Our little ones 
   await for us
   in heaven

Have hope 
that we will 
   live 
again, 
   even here
in the darkest of valleys 

---

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