Carter’s Story

My husband and I were over the moon to welcome our first child to the world on 11/22/21, Carter Matthew. I carried him for 9 months and had no known complications with my pregnancy. To our surprise, our world came crashing down when our son was admitted to the NICU. I was in shock, I thought the NICU was a place where premature babies went to grow. Over the short weeks of my son’s life in the NICU I heard the words “congenital anomalies” more than I care to mention, and my heart broke into a million pieces over and over again. The hardest part was, Carter did so well for awhile and seemed to get better. We got to take him home for about a week. Even though his time home was filled with many doctor’s appointments and outpatient follow ups with specialists, it was the best week of my life. Because he was home. ​

On Christmas, the worst happened. Carter did not seem well so we rushed him to the ER in the snow. He was readmitted to the NICU and got very sick, very quickly. He spent 5 more days in the NICU on the highest levels of life support and gave his last breath on 12/30/21. The snow fell that day. I thought, how could the world look so beautiful and calm when my baby was no longer in it?

I don’t know. And if you’re here because you are also mourning Carter, or if you’re here, mama, because you have also lost your beautiful little one, or if you’re here, friend, because you know someone that lost their little one…I know you don’t know why either. But what we can know, is that, despite all this, God is good. I fully believe that Carter is wrapped in the loving arms of my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, with the other little ones too. I started this blog as a way to document my own grief and to honor Carter and his legacy. Thank you for being here, if this brings you even the smallest amount of hope or encouragement on your own journey with grief, then I will count myself blessed.